Well...

Let's see.  I know many of you are wondering what life as an elf is like.  Well, I can tell you that it's no walk in the park.  We only get, but are told we only need 3 hours of sleep.  Maybe that's the reason why we constantly have to recruit Elves...they die of exhaustion...Anyway, here is a detailed schedule of a normal day in the treehouse...If you're lucky, you survive a week.  If you survive longer, you are a master among Elves....

6am - You get your ass up or Papa Elf wakes you up (beats you with a bat)

7am - You had better already be done with breakfast, showered and started working

8am - First inspection...You better pray to Cookani (the Elvish cookie God) that it's good

9am - By now we have all already smoked weed to help us get through the day/pain of labor

10am - We are allowed a 10 minute break, but only 10 minutes.  10 minutes and 1 second = 20 lashings

11am - Second Inspection...If it isn't perfect by now, you will be beaten severely

12pm - 30 minutes for lunch, then back to work

1pm - If you don't have an idea to improve something in some way or have a new product, then you will not get a break for the rest of the day

2pm - By now we have drank ourselves stupid.  If it wasn't for alcohol, we would all have died from the pain

3pm - Papa Elf picks his Elf Of the Day (or EOD) to sodomi...to speak to...

4pm - Dear Cookani, I am so hungry and tired...nothing a little salvia can't fix...

5pm - We get a 20 minute break.  Most of us cry.

6pm - Third Inspection...Smile, look pretty, and pray to Cookani everything goes smoothly...

7pm - Dinner...It sucks...

8pm - Final Inspections...Papa Elf doesn't like the treats to be bad...(Please don't use the whip)

9pm - We are almost done...

10pm - THANK COOKANI WE ARE FREE!!...Unfortunately we need to still think of ideas for tomorrow...

11pm - Many of us go over to Smurf village and gang bang Smurfette...

12am - Almost ready for bed.  But first, Papa Elf picks his EON (Elf Of the Night)

1am - We go to bed, and have nightmares of all the horrible things that happen to us

2am - Tossing and turning, and usually mumbling in our sleep, Papa Elf wakes up and beats us

3am - Sound asleep

4am - The Rancor has taken at least 4 of us for a midnight snack

5am - Those who have awoken cry...a lot...we are scared

Then it starts all over again.

So the next time you eat a cookie from Keebler...think about this...

Love,

Keebler the Elf